To all those who I have possibly let down in the last week or so, I am sorry, but I had to. I have been trying desperately to get enough free time to be able to write, and do my own happy little musical thing, and every time I manage to find the time, I am gripped by stress and worry and anxiety about all the other things I have promised other people I am going to do, which leaves me unable to do it anyway. The only way for me to be able to get on and do the work I want to do, is to let go of all the other stuff that I was mostly doing for other people. So sorry to those who no longer have a stand in bass player for far away gigs. And sorry to those who no longer have a decent little guitarist in their nice little earner projects. Also sorry to those who have proposed really excellent little bands to me in the last week, other guys are available.
I realise that having been the musician who can’t say no, is in fact ruining me as a functioning human being. I spend far too much time worrying about when I will have a free weekend, or decent amount of weeknights, in which I might be able to relax, and hang out with my wife and my dog. OR just worrying that I don’t have time to fit in all the things I am supposed to be doing at all. And being of a certain age now, I really do value a nice bit of time at home in a way I never used to when I was young and proper rock and roll. The afore mentioned wife and dog both look at me and shake their heads every time I load the car up and go out to play another gig I don’t really want to and they are right to. I had very nearly got to the point where I was going to just stop playing with anybody else at all, and was going to retire to my studio and just do my own stuff again (which I have very much done before). But then I figured I could just say no to some things, so I did. And I feel a whole lot better, and the summer schedule looks nicer than it did, and I look forward to going out to band practices again. Particularly when there’s now no more than one a week.
So, again, I am very sorry to you chaps I have let down, but let it be known, that had I not, I would have been cursing your names all summer long as I dragged myself out to play music I don’t really like as much as I thought, in places I don’t want to be. I hope you all find people who are better suited to the job than I am. Do please keep sending me your offers, as once I am cured of this current bout of misery, I’ll probably want to get out there with everyone I can again.
The problem is, as always, that when it starts to feel like work, like a job that I have to go out and do, then I really don’t want to do it, and the day I don’t want to play music anymore will be a very very dark day in my life, and I don’t want it to happen. So I’d rather upset a few people, than bugger up my favourite thing forever.
So sorry again chaps, I hope this explains it all a little better for you.
By the way, I am still not entirely sure how many bands I am in, and how many I have left this week. Can anyone who thinks I am still in a band with them please let me know, and I’ll tell you if you’re right or not.